Sassy Bitch
March 4th, 2010 by Sandra Possing
In my two and a half years of bartending, I've had the luxury of trying on a number of barmaid personalities. Some surface naturally, of course, depending on my mood and the context of the situation. Others are intentional in that I'm experimenting with different approaches and seeing what kinds of reactions I get. I suppose whatever my normal personality is probably shines through most of the time, but I find it fascinating to watch the subtle changes in customers or the general dynamic of the room, when I shift something in my own approach.
Despite my best efforts at remaining upbeat and delivering stellar customer service, there are those days when I'm just not in the mood - not in the mood to talk to anyone, listen to anyone's whining, or deal with anyone's baggage (and yet I still force a smile and try to be patient.) Those days used to be emotionally exhausting. Then I stumbled upon a gimmick that works wonders: I channel my frustration and aggression into being a sassy bitch!
This trick probably works best for someone like me who is sometimes perceived as being too nice. If you're already prone to speaking to people in a manner that can come across as abrasive, it won't be as effective. I don't know what it is, but I've just never had it in me to be confrontational with people. I was always the peacemaker, "the nice one," etc. I can't think of a come back to an insult to save my life (until hours later) and I'm not quick on my feet when it comes to any sort of shit talking. If I'm uncomfortable or insecure I generally just smile and get quiet. Sure, I can be assertive and firm, but never the outspoken diva. I just don't have that gene.
Thus, if I actually step up and act like a bitch, no one takes me seriously. No matter how mean I try to be people just laugh and think I'm being funny. I discovered this by accident one day when I had my cranky pants on way too tight and basically acted impatient and rude to a couple of unsuspecting customers. I felt bad, as this was completely out of character for me, but just didn't have the energy to try to reign it in. Surprisingly, they laughed and egged me on and before I knew it there was some serious mudslinging going on - all in jest, of course. Oddly enough, I realized that inadvertently making them laugh had instantly brightened my mood. This in turn encouraged me to continue with the sass. They were eating it up and I realized that in my negative state of mind I could actually tap into my inner diva and coax her out onto stage... at least temporarily.
Is sassy a new thing for me? Not necessarily. Previously, however, it was always just an attitude I'd adopt for fun. Now, I've discovered that I can take genuine negative feelings and package them as sauciness, which serves two purposes: 1) it pleases the customers who perceive it as playful banter, and 2) it elevates my own mood.
What's the key to being sassy? Make fun of people, provoke them, insult them, but always do it with either a smile on your face of a glint in your eye (or a blank expression if you've got a dry sense of humor and can pull it off without actually pissing anyone off). For example, I like to poke fun at people who are drinking slowly (i.e. "What's the matter? Can't keep up with your buddy over here?")
For guys, any feminine-sounding or feminine-looking (especially pink) drink they order should be followed with at least a raised eyebrow if not a sarcastic remark. I like to ask them if they want the free lacy panties that come with it. There are some standards that most bartenders use, like asking if a customer wants the training wheels (salt, lime) when they order tequila shots. Sometimes I'll even walk up to someone and say with mock seriousness, "What the fuck do you want?!" This goes over surprisingly well. (Probably because no one's actually buying it as something I would ever really say.)
Whatever your brand of sass may be, it can definitely be used to your advantage when used correctly. So, go on with your bad self. Get a little saucy, get a little sassy, and go be a bitch!
